Abstract
It is no longer news that policies that discourage violence against women and girls abound in Nigeria but have not been effectively implemented. In the backdrop of recent events and happenings have shown that Nigerians still experience the occurrence of the most prevalent yet relatively hidden and ignored form of violence against women and girls. However, significant percentage of all the study findings, write ups and activities of the feminists in Nigeria identify male-induced violence as central to the perpetuation of women’s oppression, thereby downplaying the incessant strained relationships existing between wives and mother-in-laws in Nigeria and therefore are yet to offer concrete and enduring explanations to the ever present violence between wives and their mothers-in-law. The population of the study comprises of 50 daughter in-law and 50 mother in-law in the study area. The researcher adopt the survey research design as it was most suitable for the study. The method of data analysis was the percentage and graphical method. The findings show common factors causing friction in relationship between daughters-in-law and their mothers-in-law in Nigeria. , it is recommended that mothers-in-laws should develop the good sense of letting go in order to give the new couple enough space to establish themselves at the same time remain supportive to the couple and that daughters-in-law should be loving, tolerant, and respectful because they are going to become a mother-in-law one day.
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
1.1 Background of the study
Premarital Counselling came into prominence in the twentieth century.it means a therapy that prepares couple who intends to be married before agreeing to officiate at a wedding (Naylor 2014). It constitutes services that are made available by professional counsellors to individuals who are intending to or desiring to venture into marriage relationship. The categories of citizens that mostly appear for premarital counselling in the society are the unmarried youths who are just at the verge of preparing for marriage. They are already young adults who are to be assisted with useful information about what obtains in the marriage institution, how to prepare for it and enter into marital relationship with a desired mate.
Premarital and marital counseling work to ameliorate marital discord and improve marital satisfaction. Bruun (2010) offers a definition of premarital education as “knowledge and skills-based training that provides couples with information on ways to sustain and improve their relationship once they are married”.
However, there are dozens of specific premarital education programs that are largely psycho-educational and skills-based and that follow a standardized curriculum (Bruun, 2010). Pre-marital counseling is fundamentally different from skills-based premarital education, involving more intensive work between couples and therapists and focusing on more specific personal problems (Duncan et al., 2010).
Premarital counselors operate from a variety of theoretical orientations: behavioral couple therapy, emotionally-focused couple therapy, insight-oriented marital therapy, Bowen family systems theory, and solution-focused brief therapy (Bruun, 2010).
Premarital preparation is typically designed to help couples maintain relatively high levels of functioning (Kepler, 2015). Because premarital programs are provided to couples seeking to strengthen their relationships, premarital preparation can be described as preventative (Stahmann, 2000). Prevention efforts may be particularly important given the argument that once dysfunctional interaction patterns develop within a marriage, they become more difficult to change. Indeed, similar to prevention efforts regarding public health issues (e.g., influenza, chicken pox, measles), and how these activities have improved individuals’ physical health and life circumstances across the globe, premarital preparation programs may confer similar relationship “immunity” for engaged couples.
Similarly, troubling is research on individuals who remain in unsatisfying or conflicted relationships and who remain at risk for compromised physical and mental well-being (Stanley, 2001).
The serious effects of divorce point to a need for prevention strategies such as premarital preparation to improve marital quality and reduce the current rates of marital distress and divorce. As such, the need to investigate the role of programs that deal with issues affecting marriage cannot be overemphasized.
Over the years, research shows that the effects of broken marriages such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, intimacy problems, finances and stress are far reaching and extend beyond the family to the society; however, the institution of marriage faces many challenges. It is therefore important that issues affecting the marriage are addressed before couple gets into marriage. One of the forums where these issues can be addressed is in premarital counseling, hence, there is need to evaluate the effectiveness of existing premarital counseling programs.
For centuries, mothers -in-law have been portrayed as one of the most difficult and frightening family members. This perception has been readily confirmed through personal experiences shared enthusiastically among family members and friends, popular culture representations, and scholarly work on in-law relationships. In 1954, Evelyn Duvall completed the first comprehensive study of in-law relationships and found the mother-in-law was the most disliked family relationship. More recently, the behavior of mothers-in-law, often perceived as unreasonable, unkind, ridiculous, and maddening, has provided material for websites solely devoted to belittling women who hold this role (e.g., motherinlawstories.com).Although men and women may experience poor relationships with both fathers-and mothers-in-law (Pans, 1998), the mother-/daughter-in-law relationship has been identified as the most problematic in-law dyad (Cotterill,1994; Duvall, 1954; Merrill, 2007; Sandel, 2004).
The relationship between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is very complicated and difficult to deal with (Hsu & Huang, 2006). Traditionally, once a woman is married, she must live with her husband’s family. The daughters-in-law have the lowest ranking in the husband’s family, so they must obey, take care of, and show filial piety towards their mothers-in-law. Nowadays, thanks in part to big changes in the society, women receive a better education and have daughter-in-law status which is higher than in the past, especially for the more highly educated women. However, cultural norms such as filial piety and respect for elders are still in place, hence the daughter-in-law is still expected to follow these norms and respect her mother-in-law (Kung, 1999). As a mark of respect and filial piety, the daughter-in-law should not question the mother-in-law’s decisions.
However, interpersonal relationship between a Mother-in-Law and a Daughter-in-Law is a legally and artificially formed relationship between people who do not share a bloodline. It is also a relationship that has conflicting duties and rights, and thus, carries a high likelihood of conflict, which, in turn, affects other family members.
The relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law has several characteristics:
- It would appear that they get along very well, harmoniously working together. However, there is unnoticeable tension building in this relationship due to differences in language, cultural beliefs, and customs (Wang, 2007).
- The daughters-in-law prefer to go out and find employment, then send money back to their homeland, giving financial support to their families. However, the mothers-in-law often forbid the daughters-in-law from employment and prefer that they focus on taking care of the household (Wang, 2007).
- The mothers-in-law have a strong preference for male offspring, which places a lot of pressure on the daughters-in-law. Once a child is born, the mother-in-law is the main caregiver (Wang, 2007).
- A mother-in-law has the power to make decisions to which the daughter-in-law usually submits (Su, 2007).
Customarily, among Yoruba people of southwest of Nigeria, a wife according to tradition is married to all extended family members (not only to her husband according to western culture, although her sexual obligation is restricted to her husband alone). This belief also forms part of the advice mothers give to their daughters as they prepare to join their husbands (Bascom, 1969; Fadipe, 1970).
Hence, marriage is regarded as union between families of the bride and the groom, rather than just an activity between a man and a woman (The intending couple).
However, despite this clear cultural position of the Yoruba people, most relationships between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws are fraught with conflicts and problems.
1.2 Aim and objective
The aim of this study is to assess the interpersonal relationship between Nigeria mother – in – laws and their daughter – in – law; pre – marital and family counseling implication in Oyo State. It objectives it to;
- Determine the relationship that exist between Nigerian mother – in – law and their daughter – in – laws
- Investigate the influence of pre – marital and family counseling on the relationship between mother – in – law and their daughter – in laws.
- Identify various issues arising from mother – in – laws and daughter – in – laws relationship
- Identify various ways of resolving the issues existing between mother – in – laws and their daughter – in – laws.
1.3 Statement of the problem
Premarital counseling is important for couples contemplating marriage, it provides couples with necessary information to establish and develop a strong marital foundation (Ng’ang’a & Wasanga, 2010). Premarital programs offer the necessary guidance and groundwork to assist couples in evaluating their readiness to enter into a permanent life of commitment. In any endeavours, dreams or goals not backed by concrete plans and preparations can result into failure and marriage is no exception. However, if properly done, premarital counseling can play a vital role in building strong marriages (Kepler, 2015).
Whereas, mother- and daughter-in-law relationship has been a difficult problem for families. Some relationships exist in a state of “false harmony,” where a superficial harmony is maintained, but both sides feel tension and hostility toward the other side (Huang & Hsu, 2006). Situated between the two women, the husband plays a crucial bridging role. Kung (1999) metaphorically described the mother and the wife as if they were standing on the two sides of a set of scales, and the weight placed by the husband (son) on each side determines who has the advantage.
Moreover, most unmarried girls wish to marry men whose mothers are dead because they believe that mothers-in-law with excessive psychological and emotional attachment to their sons are over- Protective of their sons. To reduce or contain this problem, it is suggested that both parties needed to be educated on how to play their different roles with the son or the husband as the case may be without resulting to violence.
More so, little researcher has focused on examining the interpersonal relationship between Nigerian mother – in – laws and their daughter – in law; Pre- marital and family counseling implication. This observation had put a burden on the researcher to carry out this study.
1.4 Research questions
- What are the possible relationship that exist between mother in – laws and their daughter in laws
- What is the importance of pre- marital and family counseling to the relationship that exist between mother – in law and their daughter in laws
- What are the problems that arises between mother – in – laws and their daughter – in – laws
- What are the possible ways of resolving the conflict arising between mother –in laws and their daughter – in – laws
1.5 RESEARCH HYPOTHESES
The following research hypotheses were formulated by the researcher in null and alternate form to aid the completion of the study
H0: pre- marital and family counseling does not have any importance to the relationship that exist between mother – in law and their daughter in laws
H1: pre- marital and family counseling does not have importance to the relationship that exist between mother – in law and their daughter in laws
1.6 Significance of the study
It is expected that the findings of this study will be of immense benefit not only to the researcher but also to numerous people and families in the society. The findings will be of great benefit to various Mother and daughter in law, in a way that will enable mothers-in-laws to develop a good sense of letting go in order to give the new couple enough space to establish themselves at the same time remain supportive to the couple and that daughters-in-law will be loving, tolerant, and respectful because they are going to become a mother-in-law one day.
The findings of this work would also be of great assistance to both pre -and post- marital counsellor in conflict resolution and management. It is also hoped that the findings would be used as tools by marriage and family counsellors in assisting married spouses in their area of weakness and strength. It is therefore envisaged that counsellors will find the outcome of this work essential, for a healthy family is a prelude to a healthy and peaceful nation.
This study will also be useful for researchers who are also going into the same or related research work.
1.7 Scope and limitation of the study
The study focused on some selected daughter – in- laws and their mother – in- laws in Ona Ara Local Government Area, Oyo State. The research work is limited to the interpersonal relationship between mother – in – laws their daughter in-laws in Oyo State only, other state, towns and villages of the country will not be included in this research work. Other factors that limit the scope of the study include;
AVAILABILITY OF RESEARCH MATERIAL: The research material available to the researcher is insufficient, thereby limiting the study
TIME: The time frame allocated to the study does not enhance wider coverage as the researcher has to combine other academic activities and examinations with the study.
FINANCE: The finance available for the research work does not allow for wider coverage as resources are very limited as the researcher has other academic bills to cover.
1.8 Definition of terms
- Pre – marital counseling: This is a therapy that prepares couple who intends to be married before agreeing to officiate at a wedding
- Family: The family is generally regarded as a social unit created by blood, marriage, or adoption and can be described as nuclear. (Parents and Children) or extended (Encompassing other relatives).
- Marriage: Is a lifelong commitment by two people to each other and it is signified by a contract sanctioned by the state and for many people by God.
- Mother – in – law: A mother in law is the mother of your spouse which could either be the mother of your wife or husband
- Conflict: This is a clash or disagreement, often violent, between two opposing groups or individuals.
